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Nov. 30th, 2004 @ 02:05 pm
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yeeeah, so... I've pretty much stopped writing in this o.o
Anyone who is interested, more updates on my greatestjournal account (see previous entry for link) |
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Nov. 24th, 2004 @ 01:13 pm
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Wow, I've been really bad about cross-posting my entries to my livejournal. But wouldn't you want to see my painstakingly made icons? Of course you would! More updates here.
Note to self: Upload some happy icons to livejournal o.O Even my icon of teti smiling looks sad -.-Current Mood:  busy |
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Nov. 22nd, 2004 @ 08:56 am
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Updates that I'm too lazy to post here: http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/tsukitenshi/Current Mood:  rushed Current Music: Fukai Mori [Do As Infinity (IY 2nd ED)] |
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Nov. 15th, 2004 @ 05:05 pm
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The following is from Sunday morning:
I still feel sick. And extremely stressed to boot. The quarter has officially ended, and I missed the quarter’s math test AND the two homework checks. And I’m sure I failed gym because I was sick the days I had to make lots of gym periods up. Damn. I probably have a ton of HELL homework. I need to call someone about that today.
On a lighter note, I found the perfect gift for Bella. I had been planning to get her something else, but while browsing through a catalogue yesterday, I found something I thought she would love. The only problem is that she’s still not talking to me o.o;;
Part of me says that it isn’t too smart to buy a gift for someone who still might not be talking to me when Christmas comes around, but I really want to get this for her, and I at least owe her a birthday gift. (Bella and I were sitting in the Cafeteria during eighth period shortly before Louise’s birthday discussing what to get her, and I thought about what I had gotten Bella for her b-day… and couldn’t remember. I anxiously asked Bella if I had gotten her something (it was quite possible I had forgotten, having the shoddy memory that I do), and she said that I hadn’t, and that she was wondering when I would notice that. I felt like such a horrible friend! During our b-days last year, I was just coming back from months of home schooling, and had tons of make-up work. It didn’t help that my mom worked the week of our b-days and so I couldn’t get out to get a present. Somehow in all the school-related confusion, I had forgotten that I still hadn’t gotten her a present. I was under a lot of stress at that time, but that’s really no excuse. I can’t believe that I did something like that. The good part, however, is that I can combine her b-day and x-mas presents so that I can get her something she really wants— since I don’t have a job, my total income is $5 a week from allowance, and I have a LOT of relatives to buy x-mas gifts for, I usually can’t spend that much on any one person, although I usually do spend a bit more for Bella and Louise than anyone else other than my mom and brother. But this year I can combine the money I would have spent on their b-days with the money I would normally spend for x-mas and get them something better than I normally could.)
Now I have to find something else to get Louise, though; I had something planned, but although it is the same price as what I’m getting Bella, Bella’s present is simply way shibbier. So I’m going to be racking my brains for the next few weeks. I think I found a present for Jill, too. Isn’t this exciting? I know what I’m probably getting for at least two people— and it’s only November. Go me! (Actually, go the catalogues I flipped through while I was home sick. Yay!)
While I was sick, I was thinking a lot about how things are with Bella, actually. I really want to talk with her this week. I reminisced about the past few years a lot, and wrote a short journal which somehow turned epic on me. (I’m not going to post it, since it’s rather personal for both me and Bella). Although I’m depressed about how we are now, it made me happy to think of a few really special times we spent together.
Wow, that short update turned into some major babblage (that’s babble-age). I blame the pain killers. So, to sum up— failing gym, stressed over math, probably have a shitload of homework, feel crappy, miss Bella, found some x-mas presents, and the platypi ate my socks.
I’ll post this whenever I drag my lazy ass out of bed. God bless laptops.
P.S. How many people are reading this journal, and how many are reading the greatestjournal?Current Music: Eden [Yami no Matsuei] |
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Nov. 9th, 2004 @ 07:16 pm
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I feel like shit. My stomach has been bothering me since 7th period. I have a major math test tomorrow which I am completely not ready for, a major research paper due that I'm feeling too crappy to work on, and a block of gym that I absolutely cannot miss because I'm already behind and don't have time to make it all up before the quarter ends on Friday.
I'm so freakin' screwed.Current Mood:  sick |
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Nov. 9th, 2004 @ 08:36 am
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We had a half day yesterday! *cheers*
My internet should be working when I get home today! *cheers*
And Eli (my cousin) didn't finish his share of the chocolate chip cookies I made on Friday, so I ate them all! *cheers*
For more updates (and my beloved icons <3), see my greatest journal: http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/tsukitenshi/Current Mood:  bouncy Current Music: One ~ Daybreak (Ayashi no Ceres op) |
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Nov. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:03 am
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Update! Go here to read it, since the icon goes with the first part of it >_>Current Music: Stray -- Wolf's Rain |
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Nov. 1st, 2004 @ 08:43 am
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Hi all. Life still sucks, but I was able to have a pretty decent weekend. I visited F&M on Saturday, and I really loved it. When I got back I went to the Key Club Halloween carnival. Then yesterday I went trick-or-treating with Jill, Alex, Kat, Emily, Ben, and a few other people, which was fun. I haven't seen/talked to Bella and Louise in over a week. I want to, but I'm not sure how to at this point. I started writing them letters instead, but I haven't finished them.
FMA starts next week, and Wolf's Rain will be showing again soon. Unfortunately our VCR isn't working, and it records crappily anyway. Damnit. I've been waiting for those two animes for a LONG time. I started watching Wolf's Rain the first time it was on, but my brother didn't tape it for me other than an episode here and there. I was pretty pissed.
I wanted to watch FMA with Louise, but I'm not sure what our relationship is right now, so I don't know if she wants to. Hopefully we'll be able to talk soon.
P.S. people reading this journal, I'm still going to be posting here, but I would prefer you read my greatestjournal (tsukitenshi), since I have all my cool user icons and stuff there. Today's icon is Lucifer from Angel Sanctuary. Squee.Current Mood: stressed Current Music: Wild Wind -- Yuu Yuu Hakusho |
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Oct. 24th, 2004 @ 02:25 pm
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An update for anyone who reads this. I'm climbing out of my depression. I am definitely talking to Louise tomorrow, and I feel optimistic, although that might just be from the chocolate I ate ^^;;;. Looking back at my entries, I realized I got pretty emotional back there. This really is hard, though. Seriously, being sick last year screwed up my life. But with all the stresses of college and senior year, I really can't brood over it. And Louise and I, if not close now, were close for several years, so even if we can't patch up our relationship, I at least have a lot of happy memories.
Ok, I'm really starting to think this is the chocolate.
But still, she has always been a wonderful friend to me, and I think we can still be good friends even if not that close. Although I will really miss being able to talk to her about more personal stuff, but at least I still have Bella... although I'm not sure entirely how close we are right now, but it seems much better than Louise and I...
Oh, mika-chan, I forgot to e-mail you back, but yes, Dance with the Devil is named after my (dead) fic and (even deader) website. The icons for the lj are all from Seimaden though, which you have to read. Hot demon goodness. Squee. And unfortunately, I'm really not writing fics anymore, so I don't think DwtD is coming back. Sowwy!
Must run, I'm supposed to be writing college essays >< I'll post this later.Current Music: Wolfsheim-- Once in a Lifetime |
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Oct. 23rd, 2004 @ 04:36 pm
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After finding no satisfaction in many random tests, I decided to go onto fanfiction.net (which I haven't visited for about a year) and check up on some old favorites. It actually worked. After reading a bunch of new chapters for my favorite fics and starting a few new ones by my favorite authors, I actually felt happy for the first time since last friday. Unfortunately, as I was going to bed, I had to face the fact that I couldn't just hide in fanfiction. As a result, I didn't get to sleep for many hours -.-
On a lighter note, I got a 720 on my Math SAT IIs. Not too bad. I wasn't too happy with my writing score, though, so I'm taking it again.
Kashi-- thanks so much for your comment yesterday. It really made me feel better. *glomps*
Oh, and Bella got into a college today! That made me happy ^_^ It's a really good public school in NJ, and she said it only accepts %12 of its students out of state! GO BELLA!! I'm so proud <3 |
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Oct. 22nd, 2004 @ 04:27 pm
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Oct. 22nd, 2004 @ 03:11 pm
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Ok. I was wrong. When I asked at lunch if Alex was going to art club, a bunch of people raised their hands and said "I am!". I saw Louise raise her hand, so I decided talking to her then would be good, but she must have raised her hand for something else. And now I won't see her until Monday. Shit. Fuck.
I came home because I've my stomache has been bothering me all day, and I felt light-headed from not eating any lunch. I had felt like going home and lying down during eigth, but I really wanted to talk to Louise. Damnit.
And also, Bella told me during eigth that Louise was "not happy" with me, but she wouldn't tell me why. I thought we could work everything out after school. God fucking damnit.
This weekend is going to be hell. |
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Oct. 22nd, 2004 @ 01:57 pm
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Still haven't talked to Louise. Was going to at lunch, but Emily was there when I was going to ask her if we could go somewhere private, and I didn't want to just leave her by herself. Then other people came and she was laughing and talking with them, so... I kinda chickened out. But we're both staying after school today for art club, so I'm definitely talking to her then.
I'm really scared. I'll be really relieved when this is all over, but I don't know what's going to happen after we talk. This is really hard for me. The past week I've been really depressed, but I've been forcing myself not to think about it. Now I have to face it. I feel crappy. Hopefully we can talk first thing after school, so I won't chicken out.
There's a lot of other things I want to say, but I don't want to start crying again. I haven't since Tuesday, by the way. Go me. Besides, I'm sure I'll start crying later.
I'm really scared. I don't know what to do. She and Bella are my reasons for getting up in the morning. They're me anchors to reality. I know we've grown apart, but I want to spend more time with them and get back to where we were, if not all the way then at least partially. But from her entry, I feel like she doesn't want to do that. She seems to think that we can't be close. So... what does that say about how we were two, three years ago, oreven just a year and a half ago?
I don't know what to do. I know I said that already, but I that's what I keep thinking. I don't know what to do.Current Mood:  anxious |
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Oct. 21st, 2004 @ 03:00 pm
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I found Bella in the library during 8th, so I was finally able to talk to her. Yay! I'm feeling better. I was going to talk to Louise during lunch, but the chorus teacher changed our lunch scheduling around, so I couldn't. Um... I had more to say, but my dog was insisting that I pat her, so I did that for awhile, and now I've kind forgotten... .-.;;;
Oh, and I made a mistake the other day. On greatestjournal, you can have 1000 icons, not 100. *shakes livejournal* LET ME USE MORE ICONS!!Current Music: So Much For My Happy Ending |
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Oct. 21st, 2004 @ 07:56 am
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I think I'm broken.Current Mood: lonely/empty |
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Oct. 20th, 2004 @ 06:35 pm
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So, this is the end(ish) of the third day of shittiness, which was preceded by three days of crappyness. (...How do you spell those words, anyway?)
I'm going to talk to Louise tomorrow. I've been missing her and Bella incredibly. But it occurred to me just now that I don't know what to say. I had lots of things to say before, but now they all seem pointless. I'll talk to both of them about the story, but as for everything else... how can one respond to that sort of thing? I was planning to tell Louise how I felt about what she wrote, but considering how she feels about our relationship, I'm afraid that doing that won't really be important to her. I don't know what to do. I've been like a shell the past few days.
Ok, I'm done talking about this. I need to do homework.Current Mood:  empty |
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Oct. 20th, 2004 @ 09:43 am
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Ooh. Guess what? If you set an entry to use a picture, and then later delete that picture, the pic in the entry will change to default. Damn. I thought I could beat the system. But my friend xandria seems to have lots of icons, and she has a free account...
*sigh* |
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Oct. 20th, 2004 @ 09:34 am
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All last period, I really wanted to write a journal entry about how I was feeling. Now I don't remember what I was going to say (well, I know the general idea...) and I don't feel like writing one. That's happened a lot the past few days. I go from bursting with emotion to feeling dead.
Anyway, it was all depressing stuff anyway. So instead of boring you all with how horrible I feel, I will tell you the one good thing: I got a spiffy new calculator. Yay for me.
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Go me.
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Oct. 19th, 2004 @ 03:51 pm
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Tah dah. What do you think? The only problem is that annoying gray bar beside the title that I can't change. It's throwing off my groove, man. Also, because I always used my default pic (because on my old layout you didn't see the individual entry pics), now that I've changed default pics a few times, those have all changed. So much for diversity. Maybe I'll go change that. Kinda pointless, but I need more distraction.
My laptop's screen keeps flickering. That seems like a bad thing...
Again, I reeeeeally want to be able to have more user icons. Seriously. If greatestjournal can allow everyone to have 100, lj should at least let everyone have 10. That's not too much to ask, right?Current Mood: still empty |
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Oct. 19th, 2004 @ 09:11 am
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I've decided that this journal needs a new look. Yay for distractions. Only I have gym in three mins, so I really can't do it now. I really liked Greatestjournal... especially all the room for pictures. Only most of my friends use lj, and the friends who use GJ weren't looking at my gj anyway, so now I don't know what I'm going to do. I really wish lj would allow more user icons. Well, maybe I can entice my other friends to move with me.Current Mood: empty |
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